The things you do when nobody would blame you — those are the things that define you.

I spend more time trying not to f*ck things up than I do anything else.

That’s not a complaint. That’s just the job when you lead people you actually trust.

And lately, one of my personal rules got tested hard. I held the line. But it wasn’t easy, and I think it’s worth talking about — because this is the kind of thing leaders don’t usually say out loud.

The Rule

I do not get involved in making decisions that I have empowered others to make.

That’s it. Short. Simple. Non-negotiable.

The only exception is if someone comes to me for advice — and even then, I will not make the decision for them. I’ll think with them. I’ll ask questions. I’ll share perspective. But the decision stays with them. Always.

I’ve held this rule for years. It sounds easy until it isn’t.

The Test

Recently, someone I know applied for an open position at FRSecure.

Not just someone. Someone who has all the intangibles that fit perfectly with our mission and our culture. Someone whose character is the first thing you notice — not because she advertises it, but because it’s just there, in how she listens, how she responds, how she handles a hard conversation. She’s sharp as hell. But what separates her isn’t intelligence. It’s integrity. The kind you don’t have to verify because it’s already visible.

We talked on the phone today about something completely unrelated to her application. After we hung up, I sat there thinking: she’d be perfect here.

In my gut, I was already sold.

Truth is I have zero business being involved in the hiring decision.

I’ve always stayed out of hiring decisions at FRSecure. That’s not my lane anymore — and that’s by design. I’ve empowered my team to own it.

But man. I was tempted.

I want to be honest about that, because pretending I wasn’t would be bullshit. The temptation was real. I knew something useful. I could have said something. I could have “just mentioned it” to the right person. Nobody would have pushed back. I’m the founder. I probably could have gotten away with it without anyone batting an eye.

I didn’t do it. I won’t do it.

Here’s why.

Part 1 — Empowerment Means Something, or It Means Nothing

I have empowered others to make these decisions.

That sentence sounds clean and professional. But what it really means is: I made a promise. I looked people in the eye and said, “This is yours. I trust you with it.”

If I step in the moment a decision gets hard or personal or inconvenient, I’ve broken that promise.

And here’s the thing about broken promises — you can justify them. You can explain them. You can make them sound reasonable. But the person on the receiving end still registers it as: he said it was mine, until it wasn’t.

That’s not the leader I want to be.

Empowerment isn’t a management technique. It’s not something you say in a one-on-one to make someone feel good. It’s a real transfer of trust and authority. Either you mean it or you don’t. The moment you intervene without being asked, you’ve answered the question for everyone watching.

The answer was: I didn’t really mean it.

I mean it.

Part 2 — Part of Empowerment Is Getting the Hell Out of the Way

This sounds obvious. It isn’t.

Getting out of the way is one of the hardest things a founder or senior leader ever has to do. Especially when you’ve built something from scratch. Especially when you have strong opinions. Especially when you’ve been burned before by decisions that went sideways.

The instinct to stay involved is deep. It masquerades as care. It dresses up as accountability. Sometimes it even pretends to be wisdom.

But a lot of the time? It’s just control wearing a costume.

The discipline of staying out of the way isn’t passive. It’s not indifference. It’s an active, deliberate choice to let capable people do the work you’ve entrusted to them — without your shadow over their shoulder.

The people on my Executive Leadership Team are there because I trust them completely. Not 90%. Not “mostly.” One hundred percent. If I didn’t trust them completely, they wouldn’t be here. That’s not a line — that’s how I actually operate.

And if I trust them 100%, then getting involved in their decisions — uninvited, unsolicited, just because I can — is a direct contradiction of that trust. It’s me saying one thing and doing another. It’s me creating a culture where authority is conditional and empowerment is theoretical.

That’s a fast track to a broken organization.

When I’m tempted to insert myself, I ask: Am I being asked for this, or am I just uncomfortable?

Most of the time, if I’m being honest, it’s the second one.

Discomfort isn’t a reason to override someone else’s authority. It’s a signal to sit with it.

Part 3 — I Will Not Fully Understand the Ripple Effect

This one is the most important and the most underestimated.

Every team has dynamics I’m not fully privy to. Every decision lives inside a context that goes deeper than what I can see from where I’m standing. When I think I’m walking in with good information, I’m usually walking in with partial information — and the dangerous part is I don’t know what I’m missing.

If I insert myself into a hiring decision — even with the best intentions, even with genuine knowledge about the candidate — I create ripples.

Maybe the team has already surfaced concerns about the candidate that I don’t know about. Maybe they’re weighing this person against someone else who has just as much potential. Maybe there’s a team dynamic consideration that’s completely invisible to me. Maybe my showing up changes how the decision gets made — not because of logic, but because people respond to authority whether they mean to or not.

I don’t want my presence to distort a decision. I want the best decision to be made. And the best decision will be made by the people closest to the information, with authority to own the outcome.

That’s not me. Not on this one.

The ripple effect of well-intentioned interference is one of the most underestimated forces in organizational dysfunction. Leaders blow past this constantly. They think because their intentions are good, the impact will be good. That’s not how it works.

Impact doesn’t care about intent.

So What’s the Point?

I’m writing this because I think a lot of leaders talk about empowerment and don’t actually practice it.

They empower people in calm water. They take the wheel the moment things feel uncertain or personal or high-stakes. And then they wonder why their teams don’t take real ownership, why decisions keep floating back up to them, why people seem to be waiting to be told what to do.

It’s because the people you lead are paying close attention to what you actually do — not what you say.

Every time you override someone you’ve empowered, you teach them that their authority isn’t real.

Every time you hold the line, even when it costs you something, you teach them that it is.

I’m not perfect at this. I won’t pretend I am. But this rule — this specific rule — I’ve held it. And I’ll keep holding it.

Because the alternative isn’t just bad for my team.

It’s bad for the kind of leader I’m trying to be.

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