IMPORTANT NOTE: I am NOT a mental health professional. I’m just a guy with ADHD who has learned a few things the hard way. If you need professional help, please start here.

This week, I was in Denver. Same trip I wrote about on Monday. A conference, an award, and time with friends I don’t get to see nearly enough.

I had some time between rehearsing for the award presentation and actually attending the award presentation, so I found a place to hide. I found the perfect place, whipped open my laptop and started doing what I love to do, work. As the award presentation got closer, a couple of friends found me and reminded me I had to get going.

So, I ran up to my room to drop off my laptop.

I left my room key in the room.

No big deal. Except I also needed my conference badge. Which was also in the room. So, down to the front desk for a new key.

Key number two.

Up to the room. Grabbed the badge. Headed back toward the event.

Then it hit me. Key number two was in the room. Right next to key number one.

Back to the front desk. Key number three.

Thirty minutes. Three keys.

My friends laughed. They should have. Then one of them asked the obvious question.

“How do you forget your key twice?”

Honestly? I don’t know. I didn’t decide to. That’s kind of the point.

It’s also Tuesday

Funny, right? It is.

But this wasn’t unusual. It’s one more story in a very long list.

Forgetting I have an important meeting in 10 minutes that I haven’t prepared for. Heading to the garage for something, stopping to do three or four other things on the way, then standing there with no idea why I came. The specifics change. The pattern doesn’t.

For most people, three keys in 30 minutes can be a bad day, or at least the start of one. A story you tell once. For me, it’s a pretty normal day with ADHD.

The simple things other people take for granted take real effort. Remembering the thing. Keeping track of the thing. Doing the obvious steps in the obvious order without thinking about it. Most people don’t spend any energy on that. I spend energy on it all day, every day.

(If you want a peek inside what that feels like, I wrote about it in The ADHD Mind in a 24/7 World.)

Same brain

Here’s what messes with people.

The same brain that can’t hold onto a room key for 30 minutes has built a career that a lot of families, businesses, and peers depend on.

I’m AD until I find something to HD on. Give me a really challenging problem, and I’ll lock onto it for hours. Throw me into chaos, and I’m comfortable. Hand me a dozen things at once, and I’ll juggle them. When something goes sideways, I let it go and move on.

None of that takes effort. It comes naturally. That’s the superpower side of my ADHD.

But here’s the thing. ADHD isn’t a superpower for everyone. Hell, some days it doesn’t feel like one for me either. This is just how my brain works, and I’ve learned to appreciate the good along with the frustrating.

The room key, the meeting, the garage? Not so much. Same brain. You don’t get one without the other.

ADHD isn’t about intelligence. It isn’t about effort. And it sure as hell isn’t about character.

I stopped trying to fix it

For years, I tried the systems and habits that are supposed to fix this. They never stuck for me. If one works for you, use it. Seriously.

That used to feel like failure. Mostly, it doesn’t anymore. The more I learned about myself, the more I learned to accept myself.

So I stopped trying to change my ADHD and started trying to use it.

I learn how I actually work, not how I wish I worked. Sometimes that takes brutal honesty, and I don’t always like what I find. I accept the things that won’t change, or aren’t worth the effort to change. Some of them I’ve even learned to embrace. Then I minimize the weaknesses where I can and lean hard into the strengths.

Losing three keys cost me 30 minutes and some well-deserved ribbing. Spending my life trying to become someone who never loses a key would cost me a whole lot more.

I’ve actually learned to love my ADHD. Without it, life wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t be the same.

If you’ve got ADHD

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. (I wrote a whole post about that.)

Stop measuring yourself against people with different wiring. Figure out how you work. Be honest about it, even when it stings. Then build your life around it.

I’m not going to tell you that ADHD won’t hold you back. Sometimes it will. Sometimes it sucks. And what works for me might not work for you.

But here’s what I do know. You don’t have to become someone else to have a meaningful, successful life. Start by understanding yourself, stop beating yourself up for things you can’t control, and work on the things you can.

Your path won’t look like mine. It shouldn’t. It’s yours.

If you lead someone who does

The person on your team who forgot the thing again might be one of your best people.

Before you write it off as careless, ask yourself whether you’re judging their character or their wiring. Those are not the same thing.

Then ask them what works for them. Start there.

Here’s how I see leadership. Nobody really works for me. They work for themselves, their families, their goals, and the things that matter to them. My job is to understand those things and find where their interests and the team’s needs align.

That doesn’t mean lowering expectations or excusing poor performance. Accountability still matters. A lot.

But there’s a big difference between holding someone accountable for results and insisting they get those results exactly the way you would.

Good leaders understand the difference.

Laugh. Then think.

Next time you see somebody at the front desk getting their third key in 30 minutes, go ahead and laugh. My friends did. I did too.

Just don’t assume you know what’s going on in that person’s head. They might be the one who solves your hardest problem.