How to Disagree Like an Adult — Part 3 This post is part of the How to Disagree Like an Adult series. If you missed earlier posts, start here: 👉 Part 1 — When Debate Dies, Insults Take Over 👉 Part 2 — Ideas Aren’t Identities Most people think insults are strength. They’re not. Insults aren’t proof of righteousness. They’re the intellectual equivalent of raised…
I saw this post that said Amazon plans to replace 600,000 workers with robots. The response? “We’ve got to fight back.” Let me say something that might irritate both sides: You can’t fight back against technology. You never could. And you never will. History Doesn’t Care About Your Slogans We tried this before. We tried it with the printing press. We tried it with…
How to Disagree Like an Adult — Part 2 This post is part of the How to Disagree Like an Adult series. If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, start there. If there’s one thing I do (maybe too often), it’s say the quiet part out loud. So, here it is: Most people don’t defend ideas. They defend themselves. And that’s a big reason why…
Last week, I introduced you to Violet. Violet is presence. Violet is authority. Violet doesn’t bark because she doesn’t need to. She walks into a room and the room adjusts. Today, I’d like you to meet Rita. Rita weighs 4.5 pounds. Rita barks whenever she wants to. And Rita believes everything is her responsibility. If Violet represents quiet authority, Rita represents something equally important in…
If nobody read my shit, I’d still write my shit. That’s not bravado. That’s not a flex. That’s just the truth. And I know it because I’ve lived it—long before anyone was listening. The Talk Nobody Came To The first public talk I ever gave after starting FRSecure was at a big conference. This was probably 2009 or 2010. I was new to speaking, nervous…
How to Disagree Like an Adult — Part 1 This post is part of the How to Disagree Like an Adult series, exploring why productive disagreement is disappearing—and how to do better. Something is broken in how we disagree. People don’t debate ideas anymore. They attack people. Disagree with someone today and you’re rarely met with reasoning or evidence. Instead, you’re told what you are:…
I have five dogs. Let me repeat that. Five. Dogs. And yet… there is only one queen. Her name is Violet. She’s not the loudest. She’s not the neediest. She’s not the one causing chaos at 6 a.m. like the world is ending because someone moved a sock. No. Violet is different. Violet is my dog. The Queen Energy Every house has a natural hierarchy….
I grew up in a Marine Corps family. My dad did 20 years. My mom did 6. In our house, respect wasn’t optional. It wasn’t tied to feelings. It wasn’t something you earned by being charming or agreeable. It was mandatory. You didn’t get to decide whether someone “deserved” respect based on whether you liked them. You respected them because that’s how disciplined adults behave….
(Don’t mix this up) I’ve learned something about myself over the years. When I use my brain to think and my heart to feel, I tend to solve problems. When I mix those two up—or let one completely overpower the other—I create chaos. This isn’t a theory. It’s lived experience. I’ve seen it show up in arguments with my wife. I’ve felt it behind the…
I’ve spent more than 30 years in information security, and here’s a truth that still makes people uncomfortable: Information security isn’t really about information or security. It’s about people. But not just one kind of people. Every security incident—every breach, outage, or “technical failure”—involves three distinct groups of people, whether we acknowledge it or not: The people who make decisions — those who design systems,…