DISCLAIMER: If you know me, you know that I’m a little (maybe a lot) off the wall.

Recently, I was pondering an off the wall question, which is nothing new for me. I was wondering what’s better, a great smoked beef brisket or sex?

Now this is a loaded question, but it’s worth exploring. In my (crazy) opinion, this debate deserves some honest analysis.

Comparing a great beef brisket to sex might sound ridiculous at first, but if you’ve ever had that perfectly smoked, melt-in-your-mouth brisket, you know it’s a fair fight.

So let’s break this down.

The Case for Brisket

1. Time and Craftsmanship – A great brisket isn’t just food—it’s an art form. Hours of preparation, seasoning, and slow smoking go into making something extraordinary. There’s a level of dedication that rivals foreplay and sets the stage for satisfaction like no other.
2. Consistency (with the right pitmaster) – A properly executed brisket is reliable. It doesn’t get tired, doesn’t bring its baggage to the table, and always delivers. Compare that to sex, which can be a mixed bag depending on the day, mood, or, let’s be honest, skill level involved.
3. Pure, Carnal Joy – When that first bite of tender, smoky meat hits your taste buds, it’s a primal experience. The bark, the smoke ring, the juicy perfection—it’s sensory overload. Truth be told, brisket doesn’t judge how fast you devour it.
4. No Strings Attached – Brisket doesn’t demand commitment. No awkward conversations, no morning-after regrets—just pure indulgence. You enjoy it, and when it’s gone, you wipe your mouth and move on.

The Case for Sex

1. Biological Satisfaction – The truth is—sex is wired into our DNA. It’s not just physical; it’s emotional, chemical, and primal. Brisket may satisfy your stomach, but it doesn’t release oxytocin or dopamine like a truly intimate encounter does.
2. Connection – As great as brisket is, it’s a one-sided experience. Sex, at its best, is about connection, vulnerability, and shared pleasure. That’s something even the best barbecue joint can’t deliver.
3. Physical Benefits – Sex burns calories, reduces stress, and boosts your immune system. Brisket? Well, it probably does the opposite, but it’s worth it.
4. The Afterglow – A great sexual experience leaves you with a sense of contentment and connection that lingers. Brisket gives you a food coma, but it doesn’t quite hit the same emotional note.

The Verdict

It really depends on the day and your mood. Some days, nothing can beat the primal joy of sinking your teeth into a perfectly smoked brisket. Other days, the intimacy and euphoria of sex take the top spot.

GOOD NEWS: you don’t have to choose. Life’s too short to pit brisket against sex like it’s an either/or situation. Have both, enjoy both, and savor the hell out of every moment.

That said, if you’ve had a brisket so good you’re even asking this question, I need to know your pitmaster.

— Evan