Let’s talk about ego. You know, that little voice in my head that tells me I’m always right, that I deserve more credit, that I’m the smartest person in the room. It might feel like my best friend sometimes, pumping me up and giving me confidence. But trust me on this: my ego is not my amigo.

Ego doesn’t make me better. It doesn’t make me stronger. And it sure as hell doesn’t make me a better leader, husband, father, or friend. What it does is blind me. It blinds me to my flaws, to other people’s perspectives, and to the opportunities I miss because I’m too busy listening to my own hype.

I’ve seen it. Hell, I’ve lived it. And if you’re honest with yourself, you probably have too.

The Problem with Ego

Ego is a liar. It whispers things I want to hear, but it never tells me the whole truth. It tells me I’m too important to fail, so I don’t ask for help when I need it. It tells me I’m smarter than everyone else, so I stop listening to the people around me. It tells I’m in control, even when the walls are crumbling.

The worst part? Ego is sneaky. It doesn’t show up screaming, “I’m your ego, and I’m here to ruin your day!” No, it disguises itself as confidence, ambition, or even righteous anger. And before I know it, I’m making decisions for all the wrong reasons—protecting my image instead of doing what’s right.

Ego in Leadership

In leadership, ego is a killer. It kills trust, it kills growth, and it kills my ability to lead effectively. A leader driven by ego cares more about looking good than being good. They take credit for successes and point fingers at failures. They micromanage because they think no one else can do it as well as they can.

Here’s the truth: a good leader doesn’t give two shits about who’s the smartest person in the room. A good leader values the perspectives of each person in the room, encouraging the best outcomes for the mission at hand. A good leader surrounds themself with smart people, listens to them, and empowers them. Leadership isn’t about feeding my ego. It’s about putting it in check so I can serve the people I’m leading.

How to Keep My Ego in Check

The first step is admitting I’ve got an ego problem. And guess what? We all do. It’s part of being human. The trick is to recognize when my ego is running the show and learn how to shut it down.

Here are a few things that work for me:

1. Ask for Feedback (and Mean It) – Do I want to know if my ego is out of control? Ask the people I trust for honest feedback. But here’s the catch: I’ve got to listen without getting defensive.
2. Admit When I’m Wrong – Nothing deflates my ego faster than saying, “I was wrong.” It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.
3. Focus on Learning, Not Winning – My ego wants to win every argument and every decision. Ignore it. Focus on learning something new instead.
4. Celebrate Others – My ego wants the spotlight, but real success comes from shining that light on the people around me.
5. Stay Humble – Humility isn’t weakness; it’s strength. It’s knowing I don’t have all the answers and being okay with that.

My Ego Isn’t My Friend

My ego isn’t here to help me. It’s here to protect itself. It’ll tell me that I’m the hero of every story, but real heroes don’t let their egos drive. Real heroes do the hard work of being vulnerable, listening, learning, and putting others first.

So, the next time my ego starts whispering sweet lies, I’ll remind myself: my ego is not my amigo. If I want to grow, lead, and live a life that actually matters, it’s time to let it go.

Stay candid,

– Evan

NOTE: Special thanks to my dear friend, and FRSecure’s President, Oscar Minks for setting a GREAT example and inspiring me to write this. The first time I heard the phrase, “Your ego is not your amigo” was out of his mouth. #grateful