Look, cybersecurity is heavy enough. Ransomware sucks. Breaches suck. People reusing the same dumb passwords for 20 years? That really sucks. But sometimes, this industry serves up stories so ridiculous, so head-shakingly absurd, that you just have to laugh.
Here are 10 cybersecurity facts that won’t help you secure a damn thing—but might make you spit your coffee or at least shake your head in disbelief.
1. The First Major Computer Virus Was Literally a Digital “I Love You” Note
The ILOVEYOU virus hit inboxes in May 2000 with the subject line “I LOVE YOU.” Millions of people clicked the attachment. Why? Because we’re human—and apparently starved for affection. It destroyed files and forwarded itself to everyone in your contacts. All in the name of fake love.
We’re lucky it wasn’t “You Up?” or the internet would’ve imploded.
2. Hackers Made a Nuclear Plant Blast AC/DC
When the Stuxnet worm tore through Iran’s nuclear program, it didn’t just sabotage hardware—it allegedly made infected systems blast “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC through office printers. If true, it’s hands down the most metal cyberattack in history.
Cyberwarfare with a soundtrack. Eat your heart out, Hollywood.
3. The FBI Sold Encrypted Phones to Criminals—Then Listened to Everything
The FBI literally ran its own fake encrypted phone company and sold devices to criminals around the world. For years, they just sat back and read the messages. Over 800 arrests later, cybercriminals found out their “secure” phones were made by the freakin’ feds.
Crime does pay—if you’re the one selling the burner phones.
4. Teenagers Hacked McDonald’s for Free Burgers (Kinda)
Two Aussie teens figured out how to use the McDonald’s kiosk to order dozens of burgers for free—as long as they removed the meat patties. Exploiting a system that charges zero for “just buns” is exactly the kind of hack Ronald McDonald never saw coming.
The most ethical fast-food exploit ever.
5. A Guy Bought Google.com for $12
In 2015, some guy somehow bought google.com for $12 through Google’s own domain service. It lasted about a minute before someone upstairs at Google woke up and yanked it back. He got paid $6,006.13 as a reward. (That’s “Google” upside-down on a calculator. Cute.)
Reminder: Even Google can forget to renew its domain.
6. Hackers Turned a Barbie Doll Into a Spy Device
You read that right. Security researchers hacked Hello Barbie—a Wi-Fi-connected doll that talks with kids—and turned it into a creepy surveillance device. It could record conversations and upload them to the cloud. The doll smiled the whole time.
Just what every parent wants: Barbie, brought to you by the NSA.
7. Spam Email Started in 1978, and It Was Nerdy as Hell
The very first spam email was sent to 393 people on ARPANET in 1978. It was a promotion for DEC computer systems. No links, no phishing—just pure, nerdy capitalism.
Even back then, IT people were sick of sales emails.
8. Cybercrime Makes More Money Than Drug Dealing
Cybercrime rakes in more than $8 trillion a year. That’s more than the entire global drug trade. And no one has to smuggle anything in their rectum—just fire up a laptop and start phishing some boomers.
Why rob a bank when you can just email someone’s grandma?
9. Your Toaster Might Be a Criminal
The Mirai botnet turned thousands of crappy smart devices—like security cams, routers, and yes, toasters—into a massive DDoS army that briefly broke the internet in 2016. All because manufacturers thought “admin/admin” was a good default password.
Skynet won’t start with robots—it’ll start with a fing Crock-Pot.*
10. “Rubber-Hose Cryptanalysis” Is a Real Term
It’s cybersecurity slang for extracting someone’s password via physical force—as in, beat it out of them. It’s dark humor, sure, but it’s also a not-so-subtle reminder that the best encryption in the world can still be broken… by a lead pipe.
You can’t brute-force AES-256, but you can brute-force Carl.
Conclusion: Cybersecurity Is a Freakin’ Circus
Let’s be honest—this industry is nuts. Between the constant breaches, burnout, and people naming their Wi-Fi “FBI Surveillance Van,” we could all use a laugh. These facts won’t help you pass a cert or write a policy, but they will remind you why this field never gets boring.
If you’ve got your own ridiculous cyber story, shoot it my way. I collect this stuff like weird Pokémon.
